Guilty Feelings?
On her birthday what did I do?
I went to dinner and a movie got home in the morning about two.
I gave her flowers and balloons cause she had turned four,
but should I have spent more time at her grave should I have done more.
Right after that the holidays started with Halloween,
and what did I do for her well I did nothing.
So next is Thanksgiving a time to be thankful for what we got,
but guilt is dragging me down because of the things I did not do or forgot.
To leave her headstone undecorated for others to view,
how the little things can eat you up inside, who knew.
But even after all of the holidays seem to pass,
and I let the guilt that is controlling me be gone like a flash.
Her memory, her name, her smile, her smell
is daily every minute in my heart, my thoughts, no one can tell.
There is no balloon to announce it or no flower to show,
that my love for my daughter inside me does glow.
Like the flicker of light that no body can ever turn off or even down,
and someday my smile is just something I put on to go into town.
Its not the material things that show how much for her I care,
Its the place in my heart, my thoughts, and my life that her and I shared.
So if nothing is placed upon her grave on the next holiday its not that I forgot or I don't care,
its' simply that having to spend holidays at her grave is not fair.
I tell Olivia every day that I love her and miss her very very much,
She hears and feels it more with my thoughts coming from my heart then with decorations that she she can't even touch.
Its the feelings inside me that matters the most,
not the weathered items next to her headstone hanging on a metal post.
On her birthday what did I do?
I went to dinner and a movie got home in the morning about two.
I gave her flowers and balloons cause she had turned four,
but should I have spent more time at her grave should I have done more.
Right after that the holidays started with Halloween,
and what did I do for her well I did nothing.
So next is Thanksgiving a time to be thankful for what we got,
but guilt is dragging me down because of the things I did not do or forgot.
To leave her headstone undecorated for others to view,
how the little things can eat you up inside, who knew.
But even after all of the holidays seem to pass,
and I let the guilt that is controlling me be gone like a flash.
Her memory, her name, her smile, her smell
is daily every minute in my heart, my thoughts, no one can tell.
There is no balloon to announce it or no flower to show,
that my love for my daughter inside me does glow.
Like the flicker of light that no body can ever turn off or even down,
and someday my smile is just something I put on to go into town.
Its not the material things that show how much for her I care,
Its the place in my heart, my thoughts, and my life that her and I shared.
So if nothing is placed upon her grave on the next holiday its not that I forgot or I don't care,
its' simply that having to spend holidays at her grave is not fair.
I tell Olivia every day that I love her and miss her very very much,
She hears and feels it more with my thoughts coming from my heart then with decorations that she she can't even touch.
Its the feelings inside me that matters the most,
not the weathered items next to her headstone hanging on a metal post.
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing such sweet thoughts. You are so good at expressing your emotions with words. Olivia is so lucky to have you as her mommy!
What a great message....something we could all use during the holidays.
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